About Craig (my not-so-secret sex informant)

Craig is not Mormon. He's had a lot more experience with sex than I have. Also, his name is not really Craig.

I thought I'd write a post about Craig just so you kind of understand about one of my sources of information on sex. Besides my husband, he is really the only person I talk to about sexual matters. I have had a few frantic crying sessions with Mormon girlfriends just before marriage, but other than that, mostly I don't really talk about sex to people in real life. It's just basically taboo for Mormons, which is why I made this blog.

As a side note, my other sources of information are books, the internet, and personal experience. Back to Craig, though.

Craig's first experience with sex was not very positive. He was raped by his girlfriend. Of course, he didn't know that's what it was, but it was rape. He wasn't a willing participant and felt pretty uneasy with having sex, but since she pushed it on him, and he was a guy, he didn't physically force her to stop. And he learned to enjoy it, over the next two years of their relationship.

Then, after that relationship was over, he started dating one of my best friends. We'll call her Meg (that's not her name). That's when I became friends with him, because she was completely in love with him and so it only made sense that I would be friends with him too. However...uneducated as he was about proper introductions, some time into their relationship, he raped her. When she told me about her experience (which she didn't call rape), I told her that it was rape. To everyone out there: when the sex is non-consensual, it is rape! If your partner says no, and doesn't feel ready to have sex, and you still start things up, it's rape! Even if the other person sort of enjoys it, because physically, that usually happens. We're built that way. But emotionally, it's incredibly destructive. I really, really hated Craig for about two years after that and wouldn't speak to him, except when I told him I hated his guts and he should die in a hole thinking about what he did to Meg. Meg eventually realized that what he did was wrong, completely wrong, and although she also eventually succumbed to being comfortable having sex with him, she eventually admitted it was rape. Now she's a really happy, well-adjusted person, who refuses to have any contact with Craig.

On the other hand, after a while, I don't remember how, I began talking with Craig again. I discovered he'd changed for the better. He felt really sorry for what he'd done, and hadn't known it was wrong at the time. That doesn't make what he did okay, but it made me stop hating him. Several years later, he is also quite well-adjusted, and is a licensed therapist. Pretty ironic, but he actually really, really cares about people now, and wants to help them.

He had various sexual experiences between Meg and now, and has been abstinent for a while, even when he is dating someone. It's not really a moral thing for him, he's just decided to eliminate sex for a while. Maybe for a long while. Still, he's had sex with several girls and learned what they liked and didn't like, and what he liked and didn't like, besides what he learned in college about sex (which I'm sure was fairly significant given that he's a therapist) and what he's learned from clients.

After all these years, I'm still friends with him and occasionally call him up and ask him some things about sex or just discuss things I've discovered, or whatever. Like, I called him when my terror of sex changed into desire for sex, because I was pretty excited about that and knew he would celebrate with me. Since I've been married, I've asked him how it's possible for a woman to reach orgasm without manual (read: by hand, literally) stimulation of the clitoris. I'm still trying to figure that out.

Anyway, that's the story of Craig.

Introduction

This blog is about sex.

If you're about to get married and have never said the word sex to your chosen partner, you might be in trouble when you actually try it for the first time.

Here's my problem: Mormons don't talk about sex very often. When they do, it's usually very vague, and focuses mainly on the emotional or spiritual aspects of sex. I am hoping to help with this issue by discussing these aspects of sex PLUS the aspects that even more rarely are discussed between those of the LDS faith. You, know, like anatomy, and how to make sex pleasurable. Because it should be!

I'm not a sex therapist. I really only know about sex from personal experience (which is, as of now, somewhat limited since I'm still a newlywed) and from experiences others have related to me - mainly my non-LDS friends. Well, mainly just this one, we'll call him Craig. That's not his name, and he probably wouldn't mind me sharing it, but we'll just call him Craig.

Some of you might be shocked that I even have conversations about sex with a person besides my husband. Who is a man. Who isn't LDS. But he understands my boundaries and will only be as frank as I ask him to be, and he's actually really helpful. I'll probably reference him a lot.

I wish there was a blog already written about this for Good Little Mormon Girls - the ones who know only a little about sex before they get married. Maybe there is, and I just never found it. I did research sex before marriage, but it was hard to get enough detail, while keeping the right perspective. So I'm going to try to do that here.

Well, good luck!