How do I try something new?

It's possible that you have had sex the same way the whole time you've been married and that you're perfectly happy to continue that and so is your partner. If that's the case, maybe you don't need this post at all. But what if it's not?

When I was new to sex, I had read 2 1/2 books about sex: The Act of Marriage, Between Husband and Wife, and And They Were Not Ashamed. The first one was probably the best, the second one was okay, and the last one didn't seem to apply to me since I didn't have "good girl syndrome" as the book called it, because I actually wanted to have sex and wasn't afraid it would make me a sinner to have sex with my husband. I never finished that last book.

From the books, I learned a few things. Here's a pretty good summary of what I knew when I got married and had sex for the first time:

• Losing my virginity was probably going to include blood and pain
• Lay down towels on the bed to catch any mess
• There's something called foreplay which is when you kiss and touch each other in sexually exciting ways until you're both aroused
• Arousal for a man is an erection, which is a hard penis filled with blood
• Arousal for a woman is lubrication and some swelling in the genitals also because of blood
• The clitoris is a little bump at the top of my labia majora
• Stimulating the clitoris is important for female pleasure and orgasm
• Penis-in-the-vagina sex without clitoral stimulation may not lead to female orgasm although it will probably lead to male orgasm
• Men ejaculate semen when they orgasm, women typically don't ejaculate when they orgasm but feel pleasure intense enough that it reaches a climax and then calms down
• After climax, there's something called afterglow where you want to cuddle naked and love each other a lot

I had heard about something called sex positions, but I was afraid to google it in case I ended up looking at porn by accident. At this point I am pretty brave about googling things, so I just googled sex positions and found a reasonably good article immediately - the diagrams are simple silhouettes but do show what you're supposed to do. (If you want to see what I read, here it is: https://www.mensjournal.com/health-fitness/10-sex-positions-that-will-get-her-off-every-time-20150813/ ) In my fear, I decided to purchase a book - The Idiot's Guide to the Kama Sutra. I did like the book, though I didn't read it all the way through. It helped me find a sex position that felt better to me than what I'd tried, and helped me understand foreplay a bit better. I also was relieved that the illustrations weren't so graphic they felt like pornography. I have since learned that this diagram method is actually the norm for sex position instruction, so if you want to Google them, do so fearlessly! I just tried Google image search for sex positions and there was nothing pornographic at all.

However, sex positions aren't the only way to try new things. Here's a short list of a few things you can try:

• Oral sex - on him or on her, if you haven't yet
• Anal play, with fingers
• Anal sex, if anal play is enjoyable
• Sex toys - maybe start with a vibrator, but there's a lot out there
• Different lubricants - not all are equal. Astroglide is my best friend. *Use silicone for anal play but water based for toys and condoms
• Different foreplay, longer foreplay
• Taking naked selfies, then deleting them or sending them only to each other and then deleting them
• Having sex in a different place - the living room, the car, etc.
• Switching up who's in charge of clitoral stimulation
• New lingerie/underwear

I'm sure there's plenty of other ideas, but I just wanted to say it's great to try new things! It's the only way to find what you like the most. Good luck!